Email Realizations

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God is in control, no matter how hard I try to wrestle control away from Him.
 
I was exchanging email with a dear friend this morning, and in the course of that email, some things occurred to me in a fairly new way. I think this is an appropriate venue for sharing! Below is some of the text, revised for a wider audience.
 
I was listening to a sermon yesterday by Alistair Begg and I realized that while I get that Jesus took my sin so I wouldn’t have to, I’ve made that into something mathematical and void of feeling. Text-book truth that applies to my passport but not my heart. The sermon yesterday reminded me that Jesus also took my shame. And man, do I live with a lot of shame. Shame over big things, shame over tiny things. Shame over all things in between! Shame over nothing too, if I’m being honest. To know that Jesus took that shame is something that caught the very edge of my heart yesterday, and it got a little bit more of my heart this morning in the shower. (Shower theology is the cleanest! Or at least the wettest.) God is working on my heart.
 
I listened to an old Hardcore History this morning about the Great Depression, and ol’ Dan Carlin was talking about the migrant worker shanty towns, and how children died of malnutrition and lots of people just sat staring vacantly, because they’d shut themselves down from seeing/having so much pain. I wondered how I would handle it if the Goose died, and realized I haven’t entrusted her to Jesus — the *only* way she can truly be saved. And by saved, I mean saved for me. Selfishly put, I know, but it got me thinking — how can I survive if something happens to her? The only way is knowing that I’ll be able to kiss those sweet cheeks again in Paradise. I haven’t made her salvation a priority, partly because she’s 2, and partly because salvation has seemed like a stamp on a passport, and partly because there’s always time for that later. Right? ……………….right?
 
So these are the thoughts that occurred to me in email today. I haven’t had any time today to research ways to present the Gospel to a toddler, but the Missus and I do pray every night with her, and the Missus sings “Jesus Loves Me” to her every night. So the Goose at least knows there is a Jesus. 
“Goosie, where’s Jesus?”
 
“Heart,” she says, pointing at her chest. Or her stomach. “Peesy heart!” she says, pointing at Peter Francis. “Mama heart!” she says, pointing at the Missus. “Cat heart!” she says, pointing at her stuffed kitty.
 
When the Goose was born, the Missus and I had a hard-to-have conversation about how we realized that the Goose’s safety is completely outside our control. We knew back then that we had to trust that God knows what He’s doing. 
 
God, help us to keep trusting You. And help us lead the Goose to you by whatever means there are.
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Father. Therapist. Visionary. NOT living with parents.

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It’s official! The Goose no longer lives under a roof that covers four generations. As a result of all the craziness of finding a new home, I find it’s been nearly two months since I wrote my last post about not having posted in a while. Is this the new trend of keeping up? I can’t say for sure, but life has been crazy and wonderful in lots of ways.

  1. The Goose now lives about 40 minutes north of her previous home, and about as far south of her first home. I’m still working down south, and the Missus is taking a job back north, and this is a good halfway point.
  2. We have a house! It’s not home ownership, but evidently, renting a house is much more like home ownership than renting an apartment was. Who knew?
  3. We have space again!! Don’t misunderstand me, I remain grateful to my parents for all their help, and I always will, but being a man in my mid-30s gives me the itch to have things my own way. My own way is whatever the Missus tells me it is, and that’s just the way I likes it.

There are far too many tales of the Goose that have happened in the last two months for me to recount, and many I wish I had recorded. Here are a few! Some are fun, and some are… well, raising a two-year-old:

  • The Goose turned two recently, and her vocabulary is increasing like crazy. I need to do another volume of the Goose to English dictionary, but a quick sneak preview came today from the Missus. She showed the Goose our new lawnmower. The Goose said, “Car!” The Missus said, “No, Goosie. This is a lawnmower.” The Goose said, “Lo lo myer!” 
  • The Goose is learning to dance. Nothing formal, but her own style of dancing. I fear, Goosie, that you have my natural (read: nonexistent) talent for the dance. That said, she does it with gusto! And maybe two is too young for natural ability to show itself. She does enjoy dancing to the blues, and to techno, and whatever else Daddy decides to play. My favorite dance move is when she spreads her arms out stiff beside and slightly behind her, she leans forward, she looks at the ground, and she sways back and forth.
  • The Goose just tore the paper envelope for the Mario game that came with my Wii.

And keeping up with her just gets more and more fun. Hopefully, we’ll get settled in and I can keep you up on what she’s doing. Until then, I hope you enjoy this video of a church service.